I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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