I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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