I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
