Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
