Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
