dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
