I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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