Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
