I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
