I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
