This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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