I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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