Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we're making bets on your personal life
His hands were made for my vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
