Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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