I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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