Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
