I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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