I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
