...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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