What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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