nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
