What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
