There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
