I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize