you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
