All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
