Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
