I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my shit smells like andre
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
