Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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