I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
