we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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