I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
