nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
