last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
