I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
