I think i peed on brittanys purse
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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