he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
