The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
