I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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