so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
