I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
