i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
