I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
