I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
