Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
love makes seman taste better
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
