U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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