I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
