dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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