after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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