I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This baby is an asshole
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
