There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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