so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
