fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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