you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize