I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
