I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can you bring me the toilet please
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize