i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
