You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
