I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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