yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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