What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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