as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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