shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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