he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
