the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize