ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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