i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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