Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Vodka?
Forever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
